1. Yelling is Futile and Even Embarrassing
I know how frustrating it can be to have some 16-year-old referee blow an offside call, costing your team the coveted victory. I’ve dealt with the crying kid who happened to be in goal when that fateful shot slipped into the net, in a clear violation of all soccer goodness. It should have been disallowed. But please remember that most referees, coaches and assistant coaches are just volunteers. And they are volunteering so that your kid can play this game.
It’s rarely a good idea to yell at a referee. And, it’s certainly never a good idea to yell at one of the kids on the other team — even if they pushed down little Johnnie, without any regard for the rules. Let the coaches and refs handle it.
I remember one overzealous mom who thought it would be funny to yell the wrong instructions to a 9-year-old on the other team — this, after the kid’s coach had tried to give her the right instructions.
“Clear the ball, Suzie, like we practiced,” the coach encouraged. The mom from the opposing team retorted, “Kick it toward the goal, Suzie.” She thought it was a hoot. We were all embarrassed for her.
If parents must yell things, keep it positive and simple. “Go, INSERT NAME!” will cover most situations.
Coaches, too, should think about what they yell or even say really loudly, as we often must to be heard half-a-field away. Try following the simple rule of bookending. When you want to give an instructional critique that can’t wait till halftime or the next practice, surround it with encouragement. “Good effort, Johnnie. Next time, try to get it closer to the sideline. But great hustle.”
2. Winning at this Level Shouldn’t Matter, Because It Really Doesn’t
When a team loses, the parents are often heartbroken. The kids? Not so much. Sure, they want to win. But most bounce back pretty quickly from even a lopsided loss.
I was an assistant coach with a team a few years back that went undefeated. It was a rec-level league for third grade girls — U8, as U.S. Soccer calls it. Our wins were the result of luck of the draw as much as anything, though the head coach was a great teacher, too.
We knew the first day of practice our team was stacked with good players. Winning all those games, the coaches and parents loved it. The kids enjoyed it, too. But, how many of the kids truly improved their skills that year? Some did. But no more than on the team I coached the next year, when we lost most of our games. In fact, I saw more personal skill improvement on the losing team than on the winning team. Losing can do that to you.
And of all the victories over those two seasons, the most memorable win wasn’t the final one clinching the undefeated season, but that first win in the losing season after we’d opened with an 0-4 record. It was special, not because we ended up with more goals than the other team (technically, this league didn’t keep score), but because we overcame adversity, worked hard, pulled together and improved.
The focus of youth soccer should be on teaching them about fair play and sportsmanship; about hard work and teamwork; and about being healthy and active. Along the way, they may learn how to deal with adversity. If they lose, hopefully the learn how to lose with dignity; if they win, how to do so with humility.
With proper coaching and practice, they will each improve their own soccer skills, becoming better players and more confident kids. That can happen on a team that wins, as much as a team that loses — as tough as it is for many parents to take.
3. Let Them Play
Finally, all of us involved in soccer — as parents, grandparents and coaches — should remember this simple youth soccer saying: “Let Them Play.”
There will be time for instruction, for skill development and for learning the finer points of the game that all us adults can more clearly understand (from the sidelines). The best way for kids to learn is to play: to kick the ball, to trap it, to pass and to shoot, to score goals, to make mistakes, to win and to lose.
The reality is that most children who play youth soccer are never going to turn pro. I’m not trying to burst bubbles, but according to U.S. Youth Soccer, some three million children will register to play the sport this year. There are only 11 starting spots on each of the U.S. national teams.
Being great at soccer is a laudable goal, and we shouldn’t take that dream away from any kid. But, there are many more lessons to be learned. As adults, we just have to get out of the way and let them play.
Source: Excerpted from http://www.huffingtonpost.com/cort-ruddy/6-tips-to-help-parents-enjoy-youth-soccer-again_b_5779972.html